


You are Everything to Me

by Junebug1312



Category: Phan
Genre: Body Image, Fluff, Kissing, Light Angst, Love, M/M, Mentions of Smut, Self-Esteem Issues, Smut, blowjob
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-20
Updated: 2018-06-28
Packaged: 2018-12-17 13:25:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11852508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Junebug1312/pseuds/Junebug1312
Summary: Dan doesn't think he is good enough, Phil needs him to know how in love he is with Dan. Cue lovely fluff and emotional talks.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Heyo so if anyone wants me to write a sequel to this, writing about the smut that happens after leave a comment! I'll probably end up doing it anyway but I would love to know if it is something you guys would want!
> 
> Also this is a work with body image included, so if that is a trigger I would recommend not reading it. It's not too bad and doesn't go to far into self esteem issues but still just in case I wanted to point it out!

“Hey, Dan are you ready to go out?” I wandered back into our bedroom,

We really needed to leave if we were going to make it on time for PJs party, I glanced at my watch, the time leaving a stamp of anxiety on me. I was about to ask again when I heard quiet sobs flow from the bathroom. I scratched my head, confused as to why Dan would be crying, yet my heart began to beat faster.

“Dan” I quietly said, trying to appear calm, although my heart was racing.

I didn't like when Dan was upset, last time he cried we got into a huge fight about something that seems silly now. Dan overreacted to things a lot, worried about what people thought. Which is the reason we still haven't come out to our fans, Dan didn’t want companies to stop inviting them to events or asking us to do product placement. He especially was scared about BBC although we always heard jokes about Phan circling around so I’m sure they wouldn’t care anyway. I loved Dan for how sensitive his mind and heart are, but sometimes it's destructive, and at times like this he won’t listen to reason. Though I’m not quite sure why he would be upset, everything had been going great lately, we moved into a new place, I thought we had both been happy. Perhaps I’d been wrong, I am somewhat clueless sometimes. I did notice over the past few days Dan had been hesitant to go out, but he is very antisocial we both are.

Snapping my attention back to the bathroom where the sobs distinctly became quieter, I heard a muffled ‘go away’. If there was one thing I was going to do, it was not that. I cautiously opened the door, hoping it wouldn't be slammed back into my face, thankfully I managed to sneak through it, Dan not being anywhere close to the door. In fact, he was at the other side of the bathroom, sunk down on the floor, head buried in his sweater. I closed the door behind myself, this didn’t seem like the start to a fight and while that was good, it also wasn’t. The one thing I knew about us starting a fight and storming off is that in a few days it would be over and everything would be better, we’d apologize, have great makeup sex and talk about whatever was really bothering us. But this Dan, the one weeping into his gray sweater, was almost scary. No sign of jumping up and yelling at me. I didn’t like the change, I didn’t like that he was too upset to even care about my presence, it was unsettling.

“Please, P-Phil just go to PJ's p-party without me” Dan stuttered, his voice cracking.

I shook my head, even though I knew he couldn't see it. He still hadn't moved to look at me, so I joined him on the tiled floor, the chill of the ground sent a shockwave up my back but I just wrapped my arm around Dan not sure if that was the right move, all I could hope was that it was.

He tensed at the sudden intrusion but eventually relaxed into my touch.

“Dan, whats wrong?” I spoke softly not wanting to startle him.

He flinched at my voice but warily responded.

“You’ll think it’s stupid”

“No, I will not,” I said and gripped onto him tighter.

Dan started to shake and at first, it reminded me of how he laughed. How his entire body responded to something but when I heard the first sniffle and gasp. I knew the floodgate had opened and he was hysterically crying. I knew better than to talk during one of his breakdowns, last time I had tried he just became angry. So instead I removed my hand from his shoulder and placed it on his head, I started to play with the tufts of hair poking out top, and softly hushed him. He cried harder and louder but leaned into me more, which was a good sign. We stayed like that for a while until finally, he was back to light sniffling.

He finally looked up at me, and my heart broke at the expression he wore. First of all his eyes were glassy, red and puffy, his entire face was flushed and he looked so completely hopeless and tired. He hadn’t looked like that for a while, it reminded me of when he was contemplating leaving university, that was probably the most upset I had ever seen him. This was coming to a close second, which left me speechless and scared. It was hard for me to comfort him then, it was hard for me to tell him how much I cared. At least now I didn’t have to hide my true feelings like I did back then, since I hadn't admitted that my love went past just 'being friends'.

“Dan” I spoke slowly “please tell me what is wrong”

He blinked, his face crinkling up as if he might start crying again but he just sighed a single tear slipping from his eye.

“I’m so ugly Phil, I’m so ugly and fat and stupid” He muttered, his tone making my heart clench with sadness.

It made me so unhappy because he believed it. There was not a single drop of uncertainty in what he said, he believed it so deeply and I wanted to kiss away his pain but I knew how stubborn this beautiful bastard was, I knew that when he made his mind up about something there were few things that could change his opinion.

“No, Dan, no” I stated, not leaving any room for error. His expression stayed the same, almost like he expected that's what I was going to say.

I didn't know what else I could say to this amazing man in front of me. How absolutely in love I am with him, how he makes me feel. How in awe I am of his creativity and the way he thinks. How could I possibly begin to describe that, how could I possibly tell him that while everyone thought I saved his life, he was saving mine all along.

“How can you even be with me, how can you stand to look at me” he rambled on, beginning to describe exactly what was wrong with his body.

“Dan-”

“And my face is so pudgy, and my stupid dimples are just ugly I don't know why-”

“Dan”

“-Anybody likes them they're not even cute, and my hair is so dumb looking”

With no other way of getting him to shut up, in my mind I was left with one option. I grabbed his face and smashed our lips together. Just for a moment of silence, just so I could indulge in his taste. Normally, when we kissed, my heart danced around in my chest, he tasted like candy canes, familiarity and waking up on Christmas. But now, everything was bitter. He seemed to lack everything like he was hollow. I removed my lips from his lips and I noticed he had started to cry again, silently but definitely harder.

“You just pity me” he sobbed, tears flowing down his cheeks.

 

I didn’t let go of his face, he tried to push away but I wouldn’t let him. I had to say something, I had to tell him how much he meant to me. How every flaw of his was complete perfection in my eyes, how his pudgy face and prominent dimples made him who he was. 

“I’m not good enough to go to the party, nevertheless be seen with you, people just think I’m the idiot you hang out with!” Dan went on, the pace of his words quickening.

How could he think that? If anything I’m the peasant next to the godly model. He is gorgeous and everyone knows it. Not only his body but his mind as well is so complex and so enticing it boggles my mind how he chose me. I need him to know that.

“Dan, I love you” I blurted out, my cheeks turned slightly rosy but once I noticed him about to respond, probably with more self-deprecating thoughts I continued.

“You are everything to me, you mean the world to me, call me cliche, call me whatever you please I don’t care without Dan there is no Phil” my voice began to shake so I stopped, fearing I would begin crying, I took a deep breath in.

Dan still wore the same expression but the tears halted like my voice was a remote control.

“Your smile lines, bushy eyebrows, chestnut hair, I fell in love with that, I fell in love with all of it. I fell in love with the way you care about everything deeply, I fell in love with the way your eyes twinkle and your breathing quickens when you talk about something you're passionate about, I fell in love with the rosiness of your cheeks when we kiss and your moans when we make love and your tiny gasp when I first admitted how much I liked you. I am still falling in love with the man I’ve known for what seems like a life time, everyday” I spoke quick but articulately.

And when his eyes grew softer, and colour started to replace the paleness of his face, I knew he heard me. I knew he heard every word.

“P-Phil,” Dan said quietly, still stumbling over my name. 

“You are so perfect to me Dan Howell, every inch of skin is uncharted territory I want to explore I want to know everything about you. I want to know why you chose me, why you let me fall in love with such an incredible person, why on earth was I the lucky fool who got to even know Dan Howell” I stopped myself because I knew that if I didn't I’d never be able to.

Dan couldn’t look away from my face, he examined it like I was a science project, looking for any trace of dishonesty. I knew he wouldn't find anything though, this was the most truthful I’ve been in a while. I laid myself bare to him, now I will have to see how he responds. 

“Phil” the shakiness vanished, the confidence that always infiltrated his voice came out and I felt myself reconnecting with my Dan.

Instead of responding I let go of his face and got up, from the chilly floor. His eyes widened, probably thinking I was going to leave him or something. But once I brushed the dust off my pants I extended a hand down to him.

“Dan, would you like to accompany a undeserving Phil Lester to PJs party?” I spoke with fake confidence, gulping quietly. What if he said no?

Dan chewed on his lip for a moment, just staring at my hand. Eventually, he sighed and I prepared myself for the worst but surprisingly he placed his warm hand in mine and smiled at me. It wasn’t one of his best smiles but it certainly was genuine. I helped him off of the ground, I could tell he was a little weak and tired from all the crying but all the color had returned to his beautiful face.

I was about to look down at my watch but stopped myself before I could. What was the point of racing about now, we were already late. And I would rather miss the party then miss a moment with Dan. 

I turned around, about to open the door to the bathroom again but Dan's grip tightened and I was pulled back. I faced him and was about to question if he wanted to stay in tonight instead when I was being pulled into him, our bodies tight against each other. Dan let go of my hand and brought both of his hands up to my face, grazing his fingertips along my jawline.

“Phil Lester” he spoke softly, but bravely. He trailed one of his hands up to my hair and twirled a piece of it with one finger, his gaze drifted all over my face but eventually landed on my eyes.

“I love you so much,” he said, his face, visibly stained with tears, contorted until he was smiling a huge smile.

My heart fluttered and before I knew it I was being kissed by none other than Dan Howell, my amazing boyfriend. Our tongues danced together and all bitterness had left his lips, he now tasted like Saturday mornings and campfires. I traced my fingertips down his back, and he moaned in appreciation before my hands landed firmly on his butt, he squeaked and pulled away from the kiss. His cheeks heated up but I just smirked and leaned in closer, as if I was going to kiss him but instead my lips found themselves next to his ear.

“Oh and besides everything else I said Dan” I whispered lightly, feeling his warm breath tickling my neck.

I squeezed his butt and he squeaked again, not expecting my harsh movements. Still, at his ear, I smirked and bit his earlobe, instantly releasing a moan from him.

“You’ve got a great ass” I purred and began kneading his butt, knowing it was especially sensitive just like his neck.

He continued to moan and I licked a stripe up his neck, nibbling once I got to just underneath his ear. He pushed me back and I frowned, not wanting to depart from his neck. Once I saw his eyes though I gulped, they were glassy again, this time not with sadness but with lust. I growled deep in my throat his expression sending spikes of arousal shooting through me.

“We are so missing that party” Dan began walking towards me until I was out of the bathroom and at the edge of our bed. He lightly shoved me backward, making me fall against the soft comforter. He gently got on top of me, straddling my waist.

“Oh totally” I responded breathlessly as he began to grind softly into me.

So maybe we wouldn't be making it to the party tonight, which for various reasons didn’t seem to matter much anymore.


	2. Showing My Love

Dan leaned down and began to suck on my neck, I held back a growl as he nipped at the pale flesh. He continued to grind down into me while sucking and I was quickly becoming aroused. I could feel that he was on the same route to the state I was about to be in, I smirked and rapidly flipped us over, he squeaked as he landed roughly down on the bed.

“Phil!” He smacked my arm playfully and was about to go up to my neck again but I held him down.

“No Dan, I want to make you feel good” I purred and saw his eyes widen slightly, there was a hint of nervousness there, so I hesitated.

I looked down to see him playing with the hemming of his shirt, ah, so that's it. He is still feeling self-conscious. I trailed my fingertips down his chest until I reached his hand and I slid it into mine. I wanted him to enjoy this, I wanted to show him in a more physical way how much he meant to me. I brought his hand up over his head, his eyes shone with curiosity along with anxiety at my actions. I trailed my other hand down to his hand resting at his side and brought it above his head as well. So now he had both hands locked above his head, I smirked seductively and saw he was about to question me, I brought a finger to my lips and hushed him.

I rolled his shirt up the tiniest bit, so a thin piece of his chest was showing, I began to caress the sides of his hips with my fingertips, rubbing ever so gently. He still looked anxious but not as much as he did before. I began to pepper kisses all along his pale flesh, which made him giggle. I then rolled it up further and repeated my actions, I did this until his shirt was halfway up his torso and then I raised my eyebrows and tugged it lightly, silently asking for permission. He still looked a little hesitant but nodded. I slowly stripped it off of him and then placed beside us. I wanted this to be slow, I wanted this to be all about him. He was so important to me, very curve every inch of his body. I crawled up his body and stopped when I was eye level with his nipples. I leaned down and placed the side of my head on his chest, I could smell the sweat on his skin which was almost intoxicating cause it was just pure dan. I could hear his heartbeat, his steady breathing. I took a moment to kiss around his nipple, I heard an intake of breath and so I continued kissing all around it until I took the tip of my tongue and traced it around it. He moaned quietly, but I wanted more of a reaction. I wanted him to scream for me.

I started to nibble at the pink flesh and his moans grew slightly louder until finally I sucked on it and he full on growled. I smirked, that's the response I wanted. When I looked up to meet his eyes, he was blushing, clearly ashamed about his loud noises but I just kissed his chest again and moved to his other nipple.

After it received the same treatment, I could tell he was desperate for something other than slow pecks, he was panting and rolling his hip up every so often. I continued to stroke my thumbs across his chest though, appreciating the unmarked skin, how soft it was.

“Dan you are so beautiful,” I said, he blushed and shook his head.

“Phil stop” he ducked his head, either embarrassed at my comment or in complete denial about how hot he was.

I crept up to his face and tucked one of my fingers under his chin bringing his face to meet mine.

“You are beautiful” I spoke softly and gave him a passionate kiss filled with everything I didn't know how to say.

As we made out, I could feel his hips bucking up looking for some friction, but I wouldn't give it to him yet, not until I made him understand.

I moved away from the kiss and he groaned at the broken contact. I then brought my lips down to his neck and started to bite at the skin, knowing how aroused that got him. After nipping and biting repeatedly, having the taste of sweat and Dan's cologne fill my mouth, he pushed me away. Thinking I had done something wrong I was about to apologize but one look into his eyes made me stop, his eyes were pooling with lust.

“Phil I need something more” he growled, not holding back anymore he ground up into my erection. I groaned at the contact and traveled back down to where he still had his skinny jeans on.

“Dan I think these need to come off first” I chuckled and he laughed along with me.

His bulge was present in his jeans but after I had slid them off, which took a while due to the tightness, it was even bigger straining against his black boxers. My mouth watered and I began to kiss his hips, appreciating how his hip bones jutted out, how soft his skin was. I brought my hand up to cup his erection through his silky boxers. He moaned deep in his throat, and more arousal ran through my body, I always did get off on his noises. As I palmed him, I stayed at his hips still sucking.

“Dan, you know how hot you are right?” I mumbled against his skin

“W-what,” he said moaning halfway through answering as I was still squeezing his member, precum staining his boxers.

“Surely you know how hot you are right?” I said louder, asking it as a proper question this time.

He was quiet for a moment and I stopped my actions, his hips bucked up searching for my hand but I held his hips down instead.

“Phil!” he whined, clearly desperate.

“Answer me” I held my hand teasingly over his crotch but didn’t move further than that.

He whined again, his cheeks becoming redder.

“No Phil I am not hot”

“I’d say you are”

“No-“

“Yes I think so”

He groaned and I pushed my hand down on his member, he convulsed but I quickly removed my hand.

“Phil!”

“Let's make a deal” I purred and stroked my fingertips all over his chest.

In this state, he couldn't think clearly so he just nodded, probably thinking as long as he agreed he’d get to cum.

“For every compliment you give yourself I’ll get you closer to orgasm” I smirked and his eyes widened.

“No Phil I don’t-“

“No arguing Daniel” I kept tracing patterns around his nipple now and he was reacting to the simple touches as if I was grinding on him.

“Please, Phil!” He whined and started to buck up again but I just raised my eyebrows, I could be stubborn as well.

“Fine” he mumbled

“What?” I teased and he rolled his eyes.

“I’m hot” he muttered and I smiled, moving my hands down to the waistband of his underwear, letting my fingertips slip under, but then I stopped.

He groaned again and bit his lip.

“I am really hot”

I slowly removed his boxers, the fabric caressing his erection before completely being torn off. His dick was throbbing, asking for attention but I wouldn't give it any yet, not unless Dan went along with my rules.

“And what else Dan,” I said, Dan was completely scarlet at this point but also helplessly aroused so he continued.

“My hair is really nice”

I smiled and lightly ran my fingers along the length of his member. He groaned but held himself down. His member twitched, at the teasing touches I was giving it.

“Oh god, I am super attractive!” Dan practically yelled, yearning for more.

At this exclamation, I brought my lips up to the head of his dick but stayed there waiting for another comment. Dan saw my movements and he whimpered understanding what my plan was next.

“I-I am really good looking”

I smirked and wrapped my lips around the head, he moaned but kept himself still I started to suck gently, I took my mouth off for a moment.

“I’m going to continue, but you better keep talking otherwise I’ll edge you and leave you here” I purred, he gulped, knowing I wasn’t lying.

I then took in his whole length, which he finally bucked up for, groans filling the silent room, I gave him a look, that reminded him of what he needed to do.

“I-I am super good looking”

More sucking, more groans.

“Oh my Ph- I am fit oh god”

I began to play his balls, which he enjoyed immensely as whimpers and pleas began pouring out of his mouth which I am sure he would be embarrassed at later. I sucked and swallowed around his length which made him respond with more moans. I could tell he was getting close, after being teased for so long. I removed my mouth, my lips were slightly sore but I didn't mind since I got to see Dan in this state.

“Now Dan, specifics, I know your close but remember I won’t let you-“

“I know, fuck I know, Phil please just please!” Dan begged and my eyes grew larger, he really was desperate.

I swallowed around him again and flicked my tongue over the tip, his breathing grew labored.

“I-fuck- I am real- shit oh my god yes Phil like that- I am…attractive!” Dan struggled to get the words out but almost immediately after he did, he started to cum.

Expecting it, I swallowed it like I usually did. It was salty but other than that it wasn't too bad. I sucked until he was done riding through his orgasm. Then I removed my mouth, a popping noise echoing around the room. As he recovered from his intense orgasm, I palmed myself and almost instantly came into my boxers. Everything he had been doing, all the noises he had made, made me super turned on but still, I couldn't believe I finished that fast from just rubbing my erection. The pleasure erupted through my entire body and I bucked my hips.

Once I was done enjoying it, I had the familiar sensation of cum cooling in my boxers which was not pleasant. Not to mention I also still had my pants on which meant it was going to seep through those as well.

“Gross” I mumbled but crawled off of Dan so I could lie beside him. He was still breathing heavily, his eyes threatening to close.

“Was that too much for you old man?” I whispered jokingly, he rolled his eyes and turned his head to look at me.

“I….love….you” he panted, a sleepy smiled replacing his previously spaced out expression.

I chuckled but brought our faces together for a kiss that topped all the others we had shared. It was sweet, all I knew was I felt safe, I felt like his lips were where I’m supposed to be.

And though he might doubt how attractive he is, how perfect he is, how amazing he is. It doesn't matter, as long as I’m right beside him proving him wrong.


End file.
